


It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

by MsLauraMichelle



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Christmas, Developing Relationship, Drinking & Talking, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Past Relationship(s), Reconciliation, Talking, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28012164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsLauraMichelle/pseuds/MsLauraMichelle
Summary: Although Carina DeLuca and Arizona Robbins had more or less agreed on parting ways after Arizona had left to live in New York with Sofia (and - ultimately - Callie), Carina never actually got over her feelings for the beautiful blonde. Now, flying to New York to attend a conference a few days before Christmas, thoughts about past relationships, possibilities and the infamous what-ifs seem to bubble up and lead Carina to question her actions on more than one occasion.
Relationships: Carina DeLuca & Arizona Robbins, Carina DeLuca/Arizona Robbins
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone! So, I thought I might try something. I know most people are on board with Marina anyway (so am I); however, I always cherished Carizona as well. So, no hard feelings here :) Maybe one or the other likes this idea.

Although she secretly knew why the prospect of flying to New York gave her such a strange and funny feeling, Dr. Carina DeLuca was all too aware that ignoring and not pondering on the matter might be the best way to move about. It was not like she went there for a vacation anyway.

Attending the “Annual Conference on Challenges in Gynecology” was something that had been on her list of priorities since the early stages of her career, and she had been looking forward to it since her last attending of the conference. Nevertheless, she could not quite shake the feeling that knowing about someone’s whereabouts in the Big Apple contributed to her euphoria. Not that they would meet, anyhow.

Impatiently waiting at the gate for her boarding call, Carina still contemplated if she should send a text to Arizona Robbins. Arizona Robbins, who had left her in heartbreak due to a mother’s instinct and responsibility to rightfully decide in favor of her daughter’s happiness. Not a decision anyone would ever doubt, of course. Still, it had been hard. Harder, in fact, than she had been expecting back then. Because despite Andrea taunting her about an assumed inability to have a stable and monogamous relationship that went past three months, she had actually been able to imagine a life with the blonde doctor.

Carina had not fought Arizona on her decision, of course not. How could she? Nonetheless, it had not been easy. Imagining the woman she had come to love – and she had indeed loved her – go back to her ex-wife. Re-building their life, being a family. No, definitely nothing she should spend too much time on thinking about for the sake of her own sanity.

Did she still think about Arizona Robbins? That beautiful, radiant, blue-eyed doctor with her magic smile? Definitely, yes.

Did she feel lonely, especially now in December, with Christmas being just around the corner? Maybe, yes.

It was not like they have not been in touch. There have been occasional exchanges of short messages, still kind of sweet and somehow even intimate in a way. All on a platonic level, naturally. She would not steal any other woman’s wife, girlfriend, lover; you name it. Then again, if it hadn’t been for Callie being back in Arizona’s life, Carina still wasn’t so sure if she would have dared to reconnect on a, let’s say, more physical as well as a romantic level. Given Arizona had shown signs of intention herself. Because despite there being 2,402.63 miles between them, busy schedules, and tons of responsibilities, Arizona’s decision and the inherent feeling of being rejected had left their mark and made her cautious.

In a way, Andrea had been right. Up until this point, it had always been her who had run off, leaving her lovers behind in pain. Or maybe not even in pain, but still. Having a taste of your own medicine often goes not that well. It sucks, to be blunt. Acutely if you had decided for yourself to be all in. For the first time.

Ripping her from her reverie of past mistakes, an announcement let her know that her flight would have a thirty minutes delay.

“Naturalmente, impossibile…,” she muttered, angrily throwing her empty paper cup into the nearest trash bin before grabbing her bag to get new coffee.

Standing in line at the airport Starbucks to buy another cup of overpriced but at least halfway decent coffee (for Italian conditions) and fidgeting with her phone in her hands, Carina tried to envision a reversal of roles. How would she react if she would receive a text announcing the blonde’s arrival in Seattle? Or even more so if there wasn’t any information at all and she would find out afterward? She would definitely want to know. Then again, Carina DeLuca was in a totally different situation. There was no child in her life and also for sure no ex-and-possibly-again-soon-to-be-wife. No real danger for potential complications besides internal conflict.

Ordering her latte, Carina glanced back down to her phone, the chat still open and the cursor lingering in an empty line. She wasn’t good at this: texting and stuff. Carina DeLuca was a woman of straightforwardness, spontaneity, chemistry, body language, and eye contact. Things like this – heatedly contemplating how to phrase a coherent sentence – were not for her. But also, there wasn’t much time left if she wanted to get this over with before boarding.

Why did this have to feel so weird? Observing the pastries in the display, still waiting for the hot cup with her name written on it, the Italian opted for merely trying to find a conversation starter by typing: _Hey…_

She also contemplated adding her infamous endearment “Bella,” barely being able to type the first letter, when…

“Venti Caffè Latte for Carina?” The employee’s shout out made her jump so hard that she accidentally pressed ‘send’ before finishing the word.

The text, therefore, now simply read _Hey, B._

“Oh, seriamente…seriously?!”

“Sorry, did we get the order wrong?” The Starbucks employee looked at her warily, probably expecting a rant targeting his incompetence.

“No, no – I just…Nevermind. It’s all good.” Still shaking her head in embarrassment and disbelief, Carina grabbed her coffee and headed back to her seat in the waiting area.

Suddenly, her phone buzzed in her hand, signaling the incoming of a new message.

_Name’s still Arizona – with an A, but I’m utterly intrigued where this is going._

That was fast! A small smile played around the corner of the brunette’s mouth. Well, overthinking has never helped anyone…


	2. Chapter 2

Nevertheless, stopping to overthink, however, was easier said than done. How was the brunette supposed to go about this?

Carina’s gaze wandered through the terminal, taking in all the hustle and bustle of Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Heels clicking on polished tiles, the humming sound of trolley bags being pushed and pulled, and the muffled announcements giving out flight information filled the air. Christmas decorations could be seen here and there (gorgeous trees, twinkling golden lights, and snowflakes), and light music reached her ears from somewhere. Christmas getaway traffic was in full swing, people being up and about to visit their families, scattered all around the United States and the rest of the world.

Taking another sip from her coffee, Carina finally opted for:

_Haha. I wish I could explain this with a fancy story, bella, truth is it’s just way too early, and I’m only on my third cup of caffè. Anyways, how are you?_

Indeed, it was still early. She hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep last night. Carina had buried herself in preparations for the conference since the conference committee had asked her to be one of the referents this year, portraying a case of a rare uterine torsion. At first, she had opted for an overnight flight; however, it wouldn’t hurt to have an extra half a day in New York just to settle in. Therefore, being in favor of giving herself a little more time and aiming to reduce the whole event’s stressfulness, she then had decided to already take off in the morning, giving her at least half a day and a night before the conference would start the day after.

It was almost 8 am, which in itself was not far too early. But no matter how many early shifts or on-call nights, the Italian would never become a fan of this so-called early bird with its stupid worm. In Italy, they didn’t have this foolish saying in the first place. Nevertheless, her grumpy attitude towards the too-early hours of the day had never held her up from always being on time.

Another buzz signaled another message from Arizona.

_You know, the usual. Plus, fancy Christmas anxiety slowly creeping in. But Center for Women’s Health is thriving – makes me so happy. You’d love it!! What are you up to? How’s business in Grey Sloan?_

Finally, another announcement blared through the speakers, making people sit up straight in relief as they were now able to begin boarding within a few minutes.

The first people were already packing up their belongings and hand luggage, preparing themselves to get in line.

It was always funny how texting could change the whole tone of a message. If Carina had been face to face with Arizona right now, she could have articulated how she desired to see her again but how she was struggling at the same time on a whole different level. And here, it was just about letting the blonde know of her coming. Texting made everything seem so…awkward.

_I’m so happy for you, Arizona. Everything is fine at the hospital, but actually, I’m at the airport. I wanted to let you know that I’ll be in New York for a few days. If you’re free, I’d love to take you out for dinner? I understand if that’s not something you would want. Non è un problema._

Although always confident and spirited, in reality, she probably would have stumbled upon her words, said something wrong, and made the whole thing sound more sensual and convincing nonetheless. In texts, the meaning’s wholeness always gets lost. No emoji in the world could describe the beating of her heart and the trembling in her finger while searching the letters on the tiny iPhone keyboard

At the same time, Carina intended to sound as casual as possible. Because that’s how she was, right? Casual, independent, and free spirit.

Or, at least, that’s how she used to be. And after Arizona’s leaving, she had even tried to come back to her old ways. However, it hadn’t quite worked out the way she had imagined.

Picking up strangers at a bar somehow felt suddenly wrong. As if she was not only betraying Arizona – although the blonde no longer being a part of her life – but also betraying herself.

Still fidgeting with her phone, Carina finally gathered her belongings and made her way towards the line for boarding. Anxiously waiting for her phone to buzz again, she slowly moved forward, boarding card in hand. Nevertheless, her nervousness turned out to be in vain because her phone stayed silent.

Even after boarding and settling into her window seat, no was no answer.

Had she been wrong about announcing her arrival? Or, rather, her intentions? Had this again been too straightforward also?

Carina huffed, finally turned off her phone, and slipped it into her bag. Let’s see then, what kind of textual surprise awaited her after landing on the other side of the United States.

Her gaze drifting outside the window, she watched the ground staff do their job. Carts with luggage were driven towards another plane; again, another aircraft was prepared for pushback to move from the passenger terminal to the runway.

After what felt like another eternity, the cabin crew finally began to explain what to do in case of emergencies, demonstrating where to find the exits and how to fasten the seatbelt.

All of this made her think back to the time when she had decided to come to the States to do her research and bond with her brother. Back then, she hadn’t even had the slightest intention of finding love, but here she was.

However, what increasingly worried her was realizing that her expectations had grown involuntarily since sending her first message. Carina hadn’t even dared to ponder too much on Arizona, now here she was, silently praying that her former lover would agree to meet her.

The Italian would not beg, though. If Arizona said no, she would accept and move on in dignity.

And if she said yes? What then?

Suddenly, she felt movement and was brought back to reality, finally registering all the noise and buzzing that went on around her. Somewhere in the front, a child was crying, and in the row before her, a boy listened to loud music. People talked, their murmuring voices mingling into an incoherent deafening buzz.

The noise increased even more, when the plane sped down the runway. And then, within a few seconds, they were up in the air, gaining more and more height until they broke through the clouds heading towards John F Kennedy International Airport, New York.


	3. Chapter 3

For the majority of the time, the flight had been smooth. However, the closer the plane got to New York, the darker and heavier the clouds were growing.

During the time in the air, Carina had desperately tried to keep her mind occupied by getting some work done on her computer. Nevertheless, her effort had been fruitless since it turned out to be rather hard to stay focused. Besides the people around her being a constant disturbance, Arizona kept creeping back into her thoughts.

The more she tried to not think of her, the harder it got to think of anything else but the beautiful blonde, and the time they have had together.

The question was, who was she fooling here?

She and Arizona had never actually talked about the blonde’s relationship with Callie. Not back in the days when they had been together and also not now. What are the odds that they both actually hadn’t worked out after all? In Carina’s mind, the chances were small. Closer to non-existing, to be brutally honest. Moreover, if Arizona was _her_ girlfriend or partner, she wouldn’t exceedingly rejoice at an ex-lover’s upcoming advances.

So, maybe that’s why she hadn’t answered right away after seemingly having her phone right by her side previous to Carina’s last message? Had Calliope Torres been with her, co-reading her texts?

If so, wouldn’t her tone have been…different? More dismissive?

Then again, she could have been just busy. In New York, it was the middle of the day, after all.

Suddenly, Carina felt her stomach drop as the plane began to wobble, and she instinctively grabbed the armrest in a futile attempt to seek reassurance.

The aircraft went up and down and up and down again. Of course, there had to be turbulences on the way. Why couldn’t anything ever go over smoothly?

Maybe she should have listened to the captain greeting the passengers more intently instead of daydreaming since they usually informed people about the weather conditions during the flight.

The well-known ding announcing the seatbelts’ expected fastening reached Carina’s ears, and her eyes wandered wearily around to inspect her seatmates’ reactions. She wasn’t afraid of flying, and experiencing turbulences was nothing new to her. Nevertheless, it wasn’t the most comfortable feeling either, and she would never get used to it, no matter how many times.

Shortly after, an announcement gave the desired clarification:

“Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the fasten seat belt sign. We are now crossing a zone of turbulence due to heavy winds and snowfall. Please return your seats and keep your seat belts fastened. Thank you.”

Snow. Of course, there had to be snow in New York City around Christmas time; what else. Just to make this whole experience more taunting. Romantic scenery, gingerbread, and heartbreak.

As the plane crept on through winds, clouds, and sky, the flight attendant’s voice sounded almost like music to the Italian’s ears:

“Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened, and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you.”

There were rustling and bustle, everyone preparing themselves for landing. In front of her, the boy was still listening to his loud music, making Carina wonder how his eardrums had not burst by now.

A little girl behind her, fast asleep until now and probably woken by the increasing pressure on her ears, began to kick Carina’s seat from behind, ignoring the mother’s desperate attempt to explain to her daughter she should try yawning or chewing gum. Not even bribing her with Santa watching her behavior, especially in these last few days before Christmas, seemed to work.

What a flight. If this was any indicator of how the upcoming stay would be, she should actually consider staying in her seat and immediately fly back to Seattle.

Finally, Carina breathed a sigh of relief when the plane touched the ground and came to a rough halt. It felt like another eternity until they could leave the plane and head for the baggage claim.

And now here she was, suitcase in hand, watching how people were greeted by their loved ones. Exchanging kisses and hugs.

Witnessing all of this, Carina DeLuca felt even more lonely than she had in weeks. Now, thinking of it, she couldn’t even remember the last time someone had picked her up from an airport. Why should this time be any different? The only difference was that before, she had never wished for anyone to be there. And now that she actually was hoping for someone to await her, it hurt. Which in itself was more than ridiculous.

When she had set foot into the airport in Seattle, she had been determined to not even give notice of her stay in New York. And now this? How pathetic, honestly.

It wasn’t until now that she realized that her phone was still turned off. Turning it on, her heart began to beat in anticipation for just…anything. Any sign that her message had sparked a reaction. It didn’t even matter at that moment as long as it was anything but ignorance.

Several messages popped up on her screen. One of them was from Andrea, telling her to let him know when she had arrived safely. At least someone seemed to care. But she had no intention to complain. Andrea was very dear to her, her baby brother, whom she loved fiercely, albeit all the differences they had had in the past. And still had; there was no use in denying that.

But still no sign from Arizona, of course. Maybe she should give it a rest after all? Stop worrying and start enjoying Christmas time in New York City? If that even remotely seemed like a possibility. After all, people from across the globe came here every year just to experience a Christmas feeling of superlatives. The most beautiful decorations, the most giant and most pompous Christmas trees, and on top, there were loads of snow to be expected. Moreover, she was residing in a beautiful and luxurious hotel. So, enough whining already, right?

Still huffing in frustration, Carina let her phone slide into the pocket of her coat, adjusted her handbag, which had grown to be quite heavy, grabbed her suitcase, and headed for the exit.

The cold winter air cut into her skin, and she winced as she tried to get a taxi drivers’ attention. He pulled up his yellow car right beside her, got out, and helped her maneuver her suitcase into the trunk.

“1335 6th Ave, please. The Hilton New York Midtown,” Carina told him as she tried to make herself comfortable, which always turned out to be a hassle with all these heavy winter clothes. Oh, how she longed for the warm and lush summers in Italy with the Mediterranean sea’s gushing waves soothing her sun-tanned skin.

He just gave her a short nod and began to merge into the New York traffic. They made their way through the ravines between giant skyscrapers, passing endless amounts of shops being tightly pressed next to each other, theaters, cinemas, and a multitude of three-floored fast-food restaurants, everything covered in tinsel and a sea of Christmas lights. From outside, the soft-dough smell of New York Pretzels mingled with dust, dirt, and petrol crept in and reached Carina’s nostrils.

“Is this your first time in New York?” The taxi driver’s attempt at starting a conversation hardly grabbed her attention at all, as she was lost observing the stream of people scampering the pedestrian areas, frantically crossing the street, and jaywalking when the traffic allowed it.

Why wasn’t Arizona answering? Had she done something wrong?

No, of course not. Here she was overthinking again.

“Ah, no. I’ve been here a few times. I’m attending a conference,” Carina answered politely, hoping that he would refrain from asking further questions. She wasn’t really in the mood for talking, not with strangers, anyhow.

“You’re from Italy, right?” He wasn’t going to give up easily, but this time, he actually had her full attention. Most of the time, people thought her to be Spanish, so this one actually was refreshing.

“Sì! You’re good at detecting accents,” the Italian answered, slightly smiling, knowing that this was the only thing that always gave her away.

“Ha, thanks. I’m driving so many people around this city, I kind of made a game out of it. Guessing where people come from. However, yours was easy. My wife’s parents are Italian, so I’m kinda used to it. They have this lovely café at Amsterdam Ave. You should check it out if you have time. Food’s so authentic, you’ll feel at home immediately, I promise. And wine! Oh, you know what I’m talking about.”

They stopped at a red light, and he quickly glanced over his shoulder and smiled. It was a warm smile. Not predatory or anything, a welcoming one that made Carina feel at ease. Maybe she should go there, indeed. The way it looked, she would have enough time on her own, after all.

“I will. Thank you.”

The driver introduced himself as David, and he seemed to be very determined to not stop talking. So they ended up having an intense conversation about homemade pasta and the way of cooking it properly. Something that American’s would never get right to the point, he said. The Italian way was unique, and maybe it was due to Mediterranean temperament, David argued. Probably something he had experienced first-hand, marrying into an Italian family.

After half an hour’s drive, they finally pulled up in front of the Hilton, the colossal building towering over the streets with its shiny dark surface blocking the last remnants of the sun that were still left from that day.

Carina left David with a generous tip, promising to stop by at the cafè for dinner in the coming days.

Now, suitcase in hand and thawing snowflakes in her hair, Carina entered the hotel’s vast elegant entry hall, as always awestruck by the glamorous ambiance that greeted her. The different hues of beige of the shiny polished marble floor and walls reflected the warm lights illuminating the hall, and the faint echo of voices, light music, and heels clicking culminated in the air.

Carina strode towards the reception with steady steps, eager to check-in, and finally get to her room.

“Good afternoon, welcome to the Hilton New York Midtown. How may I help you today?” The receptionist greeted her with a polite smile, patiently waiting to be of assistance.

“Uh, hello. I wanted to check out my room?”

“Why, is there something wrong? I mean…do you want to check the room out? Or check out of the room?” The receptionist replied worriedly, her eyes widening frantically and a look of slight panic rising within them.

“No…what?” Carina furrowed her brows until she realized her potential confusion of words again. “I mean…I want to get to my room. Get the keys. I’m here for the conference.” Carina pointed at a display that gave notice of the “Annual Conference on Challenges in Gynecology.”

The young woman behind the reception visibly relaxed, the tension leaving her shoulders as she readjusted the smile that had slipped from her lips.

“So you have a reservation?”

“Of course! Dr. Carina DeLuca.” Carina smiled and shifted her attention to her bag, searching for her purse to get her ID.

“Oh, Dr. DeLuca! Someone called for you, and they asked the staff to give you this note. It might be a colleague of yours, a…uhm…” She reached for a slip of paper, rereading it before saying: “Robbins! Dr. Arizona Robbins!”


End file.
